I've never thought of myself as an overly romantic person. Sure, I have some little ideas of what I'd love, but the Bride of Christ paradigm has never meant the same thing to me that it means to so many others. Actually, to be honest, it really bothers me when people are really into it and are 'lovesick.' It reminds me too much of how the world does things, how it's all in the dreaming and never in the reality. Life has been too harsh to me for me to really believe in fairytale endings and happily-ever-afters. I'd like to, but I know better.
Which is not to say that Jesus coming won't be amazing and awe-inspiringly beautiful. I long for that day like no other. It's just that, until that day, I don't want to live my life 'waiting' for Jesus as the bridegroom. I don't want to wait for His glory to fall; I want to live it. I don't know the time, and I don't know the day, but I want to live as if it doesn't matter when that day comes, because I know that I am doing what He wants me to, and that I am fulfilling my purpose for as long as I am on this earth.
I don't want to wait for that day as if it's the only thing I have to look forward to. I want to wait as one who is eager to see the culmination of a life's work - of many lives' work. To see the longing of many hearts fulfilled, to see His kingdom come.
That is infinitely more important to me than dreaming of Jesus as a lover. I want to love Him so much more than emotionally. There's so much more to it than that, even if that is the part that feels the best. I just can't shake that being a bride is more than just the physical and emotional aspect. A bride isn't preparing for just a wedding. She's preparing for a life together with and faithful to that one person. She is preparing for the reality of marriage; she is preparing for one of the most difficult things a human being can undertake. It takes self-sacrifice, it takes painstaking care, it takes. Marriage requires much. The blessings are great, and wonderful, but behind each one is so much work, devotion, and conflict.
That is the reality. It's a difficult one, but it's the most beautiful one of all. Nothing worth doing is going to be easy. It's because it's not easy that it's so worth it. You will get out what you put into it. If you only want the emotional love of a Savior, that's what you'll get. But if you want the changed life, if you want the amazing grace, the peace that passes understanding, it's going to require more of you than you ever thought.
The gift of eternal salvation is free. The gift comes at great cost, to Jesus. In the end, I think we decide what it costs of ourselves. Is it a cost, or a willing sacrifice? Jesus won't force us to change. He offers, but it's our choice to accept it or leave it.
The bridal paradigm is so often a shallow view of Jesus. There's so much more to it; it's so much bigger and deeper than a emotional or even a sexual (God forbid, but I have run across this) thing. I wish we didn't miss this. I wish I didn't skim over it so often, or just reject it completely.
We're all works in progress. Sometimes I feel like I'm the worst perpetrator, and the slowest to learn these things. I judge too much, and participate too little. I'm learning to let go and ignore the things that bother me, but I'm not there yet. I think so little of myself. Others do, too, but the worst is that I do it, too. I put myself down. I hold myself back.
But I'm learning to change. Little by little, step by step, with His help. It's the only way I'm moving forward, holding tightly to His hand and trying to believe that He's putting my feet in high places.
The call to be the bride isn't easy. It may be the most difficult decision I ever make.
But it is so, so much more than a romantic notion.
Thank God.
~Fumble
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